Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Try try again

So I'm trying the whole blogging thing again. Apparently writers are supposed to write everyday and I'm pretending to be a writter. I'm also supposed to be drawing this will be a rambling sketch blog? Sadly I have no art to post today as I'm in a wee bit of a slump...tomorrow...I promise.

Today's fun and exciting story: The Adventures of Ernie the Magpie (intreigued?)

So I'm a lifeguard. Just incase you don't actually know me. And this morning I was guarding Aquafit while the seniors drove me insane ("why aren't you smiling?" "why aren't you smiling?" It's 8:00 in the morning and my bedroom was 30 degrees celcius last night...why would I be smiling?). Apparently the fifties music with the techno beat woke someone (sadly not me) up, because a magpie came out of nowwhere and started frantically flying around the pool. I should add that it's an indoor pool so we don't get a lot of wildlife. The cashier and I named him Ernie but he didn't respond to his name, too busy trying to fly out the windows. The seniors were full of fantastic advice.
-Open the windows (sealed double paned glass about 15 feet above the ground....riiight)
-Shoot it (in a pool? shoot it?)
-Place Bread in front of the door and lure it out (actually tried this one, no luck)
-Put salt on it's tail so it can't fly (!)
-Open the windows
-Hold a reaching hook up by him and wait for him to sit on it, then lower him down and out the door. (Okay, honestly, how do you make it through your daily life with that kind of brain? She was serious, she wanted me to try)
-Open the windows

So Aquafit is over and Ernie is still frantically flitting about the windows and ignoring the open door just a few feet lower. Swimming lesson time. I have to keep asking people to move to other parts of the deck because Ernie it turns out, is not housetrained. One lady puts her baby down on a towel to play, looks up, sees Ernie, and moves her kid to another spot right under where he's flying. Right next to Ernie poop. She looked at me like I was a crazy person when I suggested she move. "I did move!" It's all fun and games till someone gets pooped on.

Meanwhile the Cashier is calling people to come get our bird. No one wants Ernie. If Ernie were a Great Horned Owl they'd be over right away, but a one cares. Poor Ernie...we care...but we can't get him out!

Their advice (this would be the humane shelter, fish and wildlife, the bird sancuary...ect)
-Wait till he flies out.
-Wait till he gets soo weak he falls into the pool and we can catch him
-Wait till he dies.

Thankyou experts.

Then I tried spraying it with the hose while the Cashier waited with the pooper scooper net (the ceiling is very high and Ernie is on the rafters, too high for the net). Ernie is completely traumatized by being sprayed but just flys randomly around in the rafters...not in the direction I was attempting to herd him. I did spray quite a few of the lane swimming patrons however.

Advice from the lane swimmers:
-Shoot the bird (again with the shooting!)
-buy french fries and put them by the door as the aroma will attract Ernie better than the bread. (she did not offer to buy the fries herself)
-Open the windows.

Anyway, long well still 4:30 Ernie was still there. One of our trainee instructors was going to bring in dog food to entice him out. Will it work? Will Ernie's dead body be floating in the pool in the morning? Will we all die of asian bird flu? Only time will tell.

Poor little Ernie